By Jazz Kostov, Midwife, Sleep Consultant, Founder of Let’s Sleep and Author of Let’s Sleep The First Year.
As a sleep consultant, I work with exhausted parents every single day. And while every family's situation is unique, I've noticed the same questions come up again and again - especially from first-time mums who are navigating the wonderful (and sometimes bewildering) world of baby sleep.
If you're reading this at 3am with a wide-awake baby, know that you're not alone. These are the questions I hear most often, and I hope my answers bring you some clarity, reassurance, and maybe even a little more sleep.
1. What should our bedtime routine look like?
Everyone’s bedtime routine will look a little different!
A solid bedtime routine is one of the most powerful tools in your sleep toolkit. The key is consistency and keeping it calm and predictable.
For babies, aim for a 20-30 minute routine that signals it's time to wind down. This might include a bath, a gentle massage, putting on pjs, dimming the lights, a feed, and a lullaby or story. The exact activities matter less than doing them in the same order every night.
For toddlers, you can extend this to 30-45 minutes and might add brushing teeth, choosing a book together, and some quiet cuddle time. The routine should end in the room where they'll sleep, helping them associate that space with bedtime.
Remember: start the routine before your little one gets overtired. You want them drowsy but still calm enough to engage with the routine.
2. When should I drop the morning nap?
Most babies naturally drop from two naps to one somewhere between 15-18 months.
Signs your baby is ready include consistently refusing the morning nap, taking ages to fall asleep for it, or the morning nap causing them to refuse the afternoon nap. However, a few random refusals doesn’t mean they're ready - look for a consistent pattern over 2-3 weeks.
When you do make the transition, be prepared for a couple of weeks of adjustment. You might need to shift lunch and the remaining nap earlier temporarily, and bedtime might need to move earlier too. Some days you might need to offer a very brief morning nap to prevent overtiredness, especially if they’ve woken up early that day. This is completely normal during the transition period.
3. How much sleep does my baby actually need?
Sleep needs vary quite a bit between babies, but here are general guidelines:
Newborn (0-3 months): 18 + hours total, with frequent day and night waking
4-6 months: 14-17 hours total (including 3 naps)
6-12 months: 14-15 hours total (including 2-3 naps)
12-18 months: 12-15 hours total (including 1-2 naps)
18 months-3 years: 12-14 hours total (including 1 nap)
Remember, these are averages. If your baby is happy, growing well, and meeting developmental milestones, they're probably getting enough sleep even if they're at the lower end of these ranges. Trust your baby and watch their cues rather than obsessing over exact numbers.
4. My baby falls asleep feeding. Is this a problem?
In those early weeks and months - absolutely not! Newborns are biologically programmed to fall asleep while feeding, and it's one of the most natural things in the world.
However, as babies get older (around 4-6 months), falling asleep while feeding can sometimes create a sleep association where they need to feed every time they wake between sleep cycles.
If this is working for your family and everyone's getting enough sleep, carry on! But if you're feeling exhausted from constant night feeds and want to make a change, you can gradually separate feeding from sleeping.
Try moving the feed slightly earlier in the bedtime routine, or gently rouse your baby after feeding so they go into the cot drowsy but awake. Small shifts can make a big difference over time.
5. When will my baby sleep through the night?
Oh, if only I had a crystal ball! The truth is, "sleeping through the night" means different things to different people, and every baby is different.
Many babies can sleep for longer stretches (5-6 hours) by around 4-6 months, but some may still need night feeds up to 9-12 months. By 6 months, many babies are developmentally capable of sleeping for longer stretches, though they may not actually do so without some gentle guidance.
For context, both my girls slept through around 8-9 months of age. I had friends with babies the same age whose kids slept through from 4 or 5 months. Every baby is so different!
It's also worth noting that sleep isn't linear. Your baby might sleep brilliantly for weeks, then suddenly start waking again due to developmental changes, teething, illness, or sleep regressions. This is completely normal.
Be patient with yourself and your baby. They will sleep through eventually!
6. What's the best settling method?
There's no one size fits all answer here, and that's okay! The best method is the one that aligns with your parenting values and feels right for your family.
Some families prefer gradual approaches like gradual withdrawal or pick up put down. Others find that a method like spaced soothing works better. Some families choose not to use a specific settling method and simply respond to their baby's needs until sleep naturally improves - that’s okay too!
What matters most is consistency, whatever approach you choose.
7. Why does my baby wake at 5am?
Ah, the dreaded early morning wake-up! This is one of the most common and frustrating issues I see.
Early waking can be caused by several things: going to bed too late (yes, counterintuitively, overtiredness causes early waking), the room being too light, hunger, habit, or simply the fact that sleep pressure is lowest in the early morning hours.
Try ensuring the room is very dark (blackout curtains are your friend), keeping bedtime consistent and not too late, and making sure your baby has had enough daytime sleep. If your baby wakes before 6am, treat it as a night wake rather than morning - keep lights low, interactions minimal, and try to encourage them back to sleep.
8. How do I handle sleep regressions?
Sleep regressions typically happen around 4 months, 8-10 months, 12 months, 18 months, and 2 years. They coincide with major developmental changes and usually last 1-3 weeks.
During a regression, your previously settled sleeper might suddenly start waking more frequently, fighting naps, or seeming to forget all their sleep skills. It's exhausting, but it's temporary and actually a sign your baby is developing normally!
The best approach is to maintain your routines as much as possible while being a little more flexible and responsive to your baby's needs. They're processing huge developmental changes and need extra reassurance. Resist the urge to introduce new sleep associations (like bringing them into your bed if that's not what you want to do long term), but do offer extra comfort and patience.
9. Should I wake my baby from naps?
Generally, I recommend capping naps to protect nighttime sleep, especially as babies get older.
For younger babies (under 6 months), you can be more flexible, though you might want to wake them if a late afternoon nap is pushing bedtime too late. For babies 6 months + and toddlers, try limiting any single nap to 2-2.5 hours maximum.
If your baby is having short naps (30-45 minutes) but sleeping well at night and it isn’t an issue for you - don’t stress! If you’d like them to have longer naps, you can absolutely work toward that.
10. How do I transition from cot to bed?
This transition typically happens between 2.5-3 years, though there's no rush. The best time is usually when your child starts showing signs of climbing out of the cot (making it unsafe) or when your toddler shows interest in a big bed.
Make it exciting by involving them in choosing new bedding. Keep the same bedtime routine and rules. You might want to use a toddler clock that changes colour when it's okay to get up, or put a toddler gate on their bedroom door initially (to keep them safe).
Expect some testing of boundaries, getting out of bed repeatedly is completely normal! Stay calm, consistent, and keep walking them back to bed with minimal fuss or interaction. It can be exhausting for a few weeks, but consistency will pay off if you’d prefer them not to sleep in your bed!
Remember, sleep is ever-evolving. Every month our little ones need slight changes to keep their routine on track for age. You're doing an amazing job, even on the days when it doesn't feel like it.
Every baby is different, every family is different, and there's no perfect way to handle sleep.
Trust your instincts, be consistent where you can, but also give yourself grace when things don't go to plan.
And if you're struggling, don't hesitate to reach out to a sleep consultant or maternal and child health nurse for extra support. Sometimes having a personalised plan and a bit of support can make all the difference.
Jazz Kostov is a registered midwife, nurse, sleep consultant, author and founder of Let's Sleep. She works with families to achieve better sleep using evidence-based, flexible approaches that work with real life. Find her on Instagram @lets__sleep or check out her new book at www.letssleep.com.au/book
