By Gen Muir, Author, Founder of Connected parenting, Social Worker, and Mum to Four Boys.
Summer holidays are fast approaching.
For many of us, the summer holidays are wrapped in nostalgia - the promise of slower mornings, family connections, Christmas magic, sprinklers in the backyard, and maybe even a trip away.
But for parents of young kids, summer can also bring something else entirely: chaos, meltdowns, and a whole lot of unmet expectations.
Because while we imagine the magic, the laughter, the memories, the perfect family moments - our kids are often running on less sleep, eating more sugar, and completely out of routine. And when they’re off-kilter, the dream of a “relaxing family holiday” can start to feel like an unobtainable reality. This can have us wondering as parents, “why can’t this be easier?” “Are everyone’s kids this hard?” Or “Our kids must be ungrateful because they can’t even appreciate the good times”.
But the biggest reason the summer holidays can be a recipe for disappointment is because as parents we expect more from our kids than normal. We’ve worked hard, planned the fun, spent the money, and we really want it to feel special.
But often, our kids don’t get the memo.
For kids being out of routine, managing new foods, new social situations, presents and fun times can really lead to a lot more dysregulation. This can look like kids that won’t eat the dinner on Christmas day, kids who can’t find matters, struggle to share, or regulate though the smallest of frustrations.
So how do we survive the summer and still soak up the good bits - without losing our minds? Here’s how to lower the bar, and bring a little more calm and connection to the silly season and those long summer days.
1. Expect the struggle and plan for it
When we expect our kids to find transitions tricky, we’re less thrown when they do. Christmas Day, beach holidays, or big family gatherings are all full of change, new food, new faces, excitement, and stimulation. For a small child, that’s a lot. Even for an older child, it’s a lot.
The more you can prepare them for what’s coming, the smoother it will go. Talk about who’ll be there, what the day or trip might look like, what food there’ll be, and even show photos of relatives or the holiday spot.
Kids do best when they know what to expect.
Pre-empt and talk about the struggles ahead and put a strategy in place. “When we arrive at Grandmas place there will be lots of people there. If you don’t feel ready to say hello just squeeze my hand and I’ll help you out till you feel ready… it makes sense to feel like it’s a bit much at first, I feel like that sometimes too”.
Visual schedules, favourite toys, or small rituals from home can also help kids feel grounded when everything around them feels new.
2. Lower the bar (just for now)
Yes, even the “rules” can bend a little. Holiday food, screen time, or bedtime boundaries might loosen, and that’s okay. You are allowed to ask yourself “will this matter in a week?” and go with the flow.
Flexibility helps everyone enjoy themselves. You can always “right the ship” when life returns to normal. Try: letting some of the perfect parenting slide. A day of chips, nuggets, and naps skipped is not a parenting fail, it’s a smart move that helps everyone survive.
And it’s not just the kids we need to lower the bar for – it’s you too. If everyone’s fed, safe, and roughly content, that’s enough for today.
3. Divide and conquer
I remember becoming aware of the reality that once we had young kids that were on the move Christmas Day with large family groups was not as relaxing as it used to be.
I remember looking at my husband one time both of us exhausted from running after two very active kids that were intent on leaving the property or getting into the pool thinking “this isn't much fun”. We worked out how to divide and conquer so that one person could sit and enjoy the party for now so the other would take a shift with the kids. It means everybody gets a moment to socialise.
Same goes with holidays – while it’s lovely to imagine every moment of the family holiday being together, the truth is, splitting up can make things easier. One parent might take a toddler for an early swim while another does something active with the older kids. Or grandparents might handle bedtime one night while you sneak out for dinner.
At one stage in our parenting our youngest child absolutely hated the beach. When he got there he would either try to bolt for the road or cry the entire time. The thing is we had three older boys who loved the beach. So, what we did was we booked a sitter who would come to our apartment and mind our son while the rest of us went off to the beach. He got rest and beautiful one-on-one care while the rest of us had a morning out, and we could reconnect in the afternoon. It really made the holidays so much better for everyone.
Dividing and conquering lets each child (and parent) get what they need and everyone comes back together calmer and happier. It also helps prevent resentment between partners or siblings who might otherwise feel left out or burnt out.
4. Don’t forget you’re on holiday too
It’s easy to make the trip all about the kids but you deserve rest and fun, too. And the reality is if you have very young kids it's just not restful when they're around. Try: Booking that massage, have a solo coffee by the water, or take turns with your partner to get some time off duty.
If there’s a kids’ club, a willing grandparent, or even just a good nap schedule, use it. A small pocket of breathing space can make all the difference in how you show up for the rest of the holiday. Kids also benefit from seeing you relaxed and happy – it sets the tone for the whole family.
5. Expect big feelings
From airport meltdowns to Christmas tears over a broken toy, big feelings are part of the package. Excitement, exhaustion, sugar, and sun are a volatile mix. When those moments come (and they will), take a breath.
They’re not failing at being grateful or ruining the day – they’re just being human in an overstimulating world. Our job isn’t to stop the emotions but to help our kids ride them.
While we want Christmas and holidays to be magical – accepting that emotions really are part of that package for little kids will help so much.
Try this: really try to put yourself in your child's shoes. You might think to yourself ‘my goodness you are three years old, we're at a busy airport, you really wanted a toy at the shop and we've said no. I get it this is really tough.’ It doesn't mean you necessarily buy the toy it just means that you genuinely understand that building frustration tolerance is really hard for little kids - and even harder when they are out of a routine and overstimulated.
When the storm passes, take a minute to repair and reconnect. Try humour and playfulness to bring everyone back online – even a short cuddle or laugh together can reset the whole mood.
6. Find joy in the small moments
Summer doesn’t need to be magical to be meaningful. Maybe it’s your child’s sandy smile after the beach, a sprinkler run in the backyard, or the quiet moments sitting outside after everyone finally falls asleep.
When we realise no one is having holiday perfection, we make space for the moments that really matter, the ones our kids will remember too. Holidays with kids are a beautiful mess and nothing like the brochure, but they’re also the backdrop for some of our most precious family memories.
Parent Permission Slip: You have permission to drop the expectations, to let things be messy, and to choose connection over perfection. You’re allowed to enjoy the holiday too.
So this summer, let’s all take the pressure off. Lower the bar, pack the snacks, expect the meltdowns and look for the joy between the chaos. Because that’s where the real magic lives.
Gen
Gen Muir, is an Author, Founder of Connected parenting, Social Worker, and mum to four boys with a passion for helping modern parents cut through the information overload and find more joy and connection in parenting.
